Where I am spiritually

This past week I have been reading for the 3rd time the biography of Keith Green. If you haven't read "No Compromise - The Life Story of Keith Green", you should.

The first time I read this book it was the fall of 1993 and I was in grade 13. The impact it had on my life was immediate and long lasting, the specifics of which will have to wait for a future post. I read the book again while attending university around 1996.

If one word could sum up my thoughts it would have to be "intense". Keith was a very intense individual and the story of his conversion and subsequent ministry inspire me to live my live with more intensity and with an increased devotion to Jesus.

Before you can walk with me on my journey forward, you need to understand the place where I am starting from, so let me first answer the question implied by this posting.

Where am I spiritually?

First and foremost I am alive.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus died for my sins and that through his death my spirit has been given life.

Yet so many people are dead spiritually and it greaves me to know that I don't really care. Is that too frank? It must be the truth, because I am not doing much to influence my world for Jesus.

That leads into my second observation.

Though I am alive I have a bad case of laryngitis. I know that Jesus wants to speak through me, but people don't seem to be able to hear my life being lived out. I pray that my life would be a light to those spiritually dead around me, but it seems that my light is not intense enough to cut through the darkness.

There is that word again … intense.

How can I increase their my spiritual intensity?

If I think about a flashlight, the obvious answer is that the batteries need to be fully charged to obtain the maximum intensity of light.

I guess that is what I am doing when I read the Word of God and other Christian literature. I am recharging my spirit. Intellectually this makes sense, but also emotionally I can feel this transformation, as my thoughts and motivations are becoming more centered on Christian ministry.

There is a second step though. I need to turn on the light.

Obvious as this may be, this is the hardest step to take.

It is so easy to keep my light tucked away in a pocket, only to pull it out when I need to minister to someone in crisis. It is much harder to shine the light of Jesus to people who are perfectly happy with theirs lives and do not appreciate the light. In fact their spirit's despise it.

This is what I struggle with every day. How do I let Jesus shine though me? Every day, every hour.

I need an answer. And not one that is trite. An answer that is worthy of the one who saved my soul.